Friday, December 20, 2013

Top Ten of 2013...#12 MAN stuff

It's that time of the year. Time for all the Top Ten lists. Many produce them and guess what, they're utterly subjective filler. Something to plug into the space so that the writer can take time off to finish his/her holiday errands.

One cable channel actually produced a Top Ten Crimes of 2013. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Shouldn't we consider the victim's families? And give it a respectful rest.

So here are My Top Ten (plus a few) Favorite Things of the past year. Some have been around awhile, but I generally discover things later than most. I'm going to dribble them out one day at a time, many are completely frivolous because remember: they're filler so that I can do Christmas things. 

More year-end frivolous filler. Top Ten Honorable Mention

My Favorite Merchandising Trend of 2013

Man stuff! 

Finally, we MEN have soaps, lotions, shampoos, face scrubs and a detergent formulated for our rough and tough, gritty lives. 

D--- Right!

Grime, mud, sweat, watch out. My Tide for men is endorsed by no less than the NFL. (That's QB Drew Brees on the label.) Guaranteed to get a game-used, blood-stained linebacker's jersey clean! And the stink-em out. From now on it's two-a-days for my washing machine because when the coach says, "Rub some dirt on it!" I will.  

Tide stuck to its traditional orange packaging but Dove had a problem, the brand sounds too peaceful, too genteel. So its Men+Care soaps and shampoos are packaged in gray, like a truck's air filter that needs changing. Manly battleship gray, like iron. Nothing la-di-da here.

High fives guys, we no longer have to sneak around the bathroom and use our girl friend, wife and/or paramour's girlie products. "Darnation! Did she catch me using her St. Ives Fresh Apricot Scrub again?" Now, we have our own Nivea MEN Energy Face Scrub that strips away layers of campfire soot, garage filth and ground-in man grease. Crud's gone. Who needs it? Plus it tingles. That must be my face absorbing the energy.

Not to be outdone, my traditional grandfather's era—the brand has been around since 1938—man-only Old Spice deodorant and body spray (I don't think grandpa used body spray) now comes in Red Zone: Swagger. And the "Swagger" appears in an Old English font evocative of the brave and bold Knights of the Round Table. It also boasts of having "The scent of CONFIDENCE." And who can't use more of that. I've got my Swagger on as I write this, perhaps you've noticed.

And not to be outdone, Dr. Pepper Ten is a new "manly" bold diet soft drink. It's not for girls because in has TEN calories, and sissy girl diet sodas have no calories. We men need those ten calories 'cause we wrestle bears and rotate tires.

Clean and mean. That's us. Chest bump! 

Smoke 'em if you got 'em! 

Three cheers for the guys! Now, let's go dig a hole somewhere in the yard.  


No comments: